A humorous look at 50 common North American dumb birds for the aviary and anti-aviary alike.

F*cking Pigeon

Common Name: Rock Pigeon

Oh my god, do I even need to talk about this bird?? They are tubby gray sacks-of-birdsh*t with tiny heads and short legs. You know this bird because they are f*cking everywhere, shitting on everything

Fun Fact: Pigeons find their way home by using the Earth’s magnetic fields, as well as the position of the sun, and who knows what else. Apparently, you can even blindfold these sh*ts and they will still find their way back. What’s even the point? Save your tiny blindfolds for some other bird, I guess.

Scarlet Teenager

Common Name: Scarlet Tanager

What is it with these tanagers? The males are possibly the most unnecessarily red birds in any eastern forest. They stay high in the forest canopy all summer long (doing god knows what) and then in the fall they just take off for South America. But not before inexplicably changing from red feathers to yellow-green feathers (which, by the way, makes them look just like the yellow-green females). I don’t know what they’re up to, but I don’t like it and somebody ought to do something about it.

"There are loads of books out there for bird lovers, but until now, nothing for those that love to hate birds."

-Uncrate



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From the Publisher

A humorous look at 50 common North American dumb birds for the aviary and anti-aviary alike.

F*cking Pigeon

Scarlet Teenager

"There are loads of books out there for bird lovers, but until now, nothing for those that love to hate birds."